When Should I Leave My Church?

Many Christians wrestle with the question, “When should I leave my church?” It is a nuanced question that requires careful treatment. One of the reasons we need to be extra careful is that the New Testament does not give us a direct, step-by-step answer. Still, I believe there are clear guiding principles we can draw from the pages of Scripture.

Rather than answering the question directly, I want to flip it on its head and ask, “When should we join a church?” In my book Becoming One: Finding Your Place in the Body of Christ, I argue that Christians should join a true church they can love, not merely a church they like. So, let’s briefly explore what a true church is and what it means to love a church.

When we talk about a church being a true church, the challenge is always deciding where to draw the boundaries. Here, the Reformers were especially helpful in identifying three marks of the true church: the pure teaching of Scripture, the right administration of the sacraments, and the faithful practice of church discipline (the loving process of correction that, when ignored, may result in removal from the church of those who persist in unrepentant sin in life or doctrine).

The book of 1 John is particularly illuminating on this point. John addresses people who identified themselves as Christians, professed a form of faith, yet embraced false doctrine and lived immoral and unloving lives. In effect, they formed their own new “church.” Yet John is clear: “They went out from us, but they were not of us” (1 John 2:19). These were not brothers who merely disagreed on secondary matters, but those who had departed from the truth itself. This helps us see why doctrinal boundaries matter and how church discipline serves to clarify and make visible the distinction between true and false brothers.

The right administration of the sacraments is also essential. Baptism and the Lord’s Supper are the Word made visible. To distort or misuse them is not a small error, but a form of false teaching enacted before the congregation.

This does not mean that everyone who disagrees with my theology is a heretic or outside the bounds of orthodoxy. We must be careful not to become schismatic, turning every doctrinal difference into a hill to die on. Still, when considering church membership, we must ensure that the options before us at least qualify as true churches.

Now, let’s talk about loving the church.

There is an important distinction between liking something and loving someone. When we say, “I like this thing,” we usually mean that it pleases us or benefits us. It is a statement centred on reception. When we say, “I love this person,” we are expressing an intention to seek their good. Love is oriented toward giving, not receiving.

Many people today choose churches primarily based on what they like: the music, the programs, the facility, the location, the preaching style, the distance from home, and so on. Church selection becomes centred on me and my preferences. My argument is that Christians should seek a local church they are willing to love. Among many possible—and even good—options, the better question is: Which church can I love best? Which community might most need my love, service, and commitment?

With that framework in place, we can return to the original question: “When should I leave my church?”

I believe there are two main reasons—one negative and one positive.

The negative reason is this: if you come to realize that your church is a false church, or if it becomes a false church over time (yes, churches can fall away), then it is time to leave. At that point, the issue is not leaving one church to find another, but recognizing that you no longer truly have a church and must seek a true one.

The positive reason is more complex. There are times when a person is part of a true church but may be compelled to leave because they believe they can serve and love another local church more effectively. This can happen for many reasons. Another congregation may be smaller and in greater need of help. Your particular gifts may be underutilized where you are but needed elsewhere. In these cases, leaving is not a rejection of your church, but an intentional act of love toward the broader body of Christ.

Theological alignment also plays an important role here. Sometimes a person’s convictions change, sometimes the church’s direction changes, and sometimes it simply takes time to recognize deeper theological differences. When there is significant misalignment—especially in doctrinal convictions that shape practice—one’s ability to serve freely and joyfully can be diminished. In such cases, seeking a church that aligns more closely with your convictions may not be an act of division, but a pursuit of peace, integrity, and faithful service. This does not apply to every doctrinal difference, but some differences, when embodied, can create ongoing tension and conflict rather than life-giving love (for example, someone who is confessionally Reformed attempting to fully live out those convictions in an Arminian or non-confessional church).

If you are in a true church and are considering leaving to serve elsewhere, a few things are worth emphasizing. First, speak with your pastors. They know you, care for you, and may offer wisdom you have not considered. Second, remember that true churches are not competitors. We are not building rival kingdoms in the city, but labouring together for the kingdom of God. While a local church may feel the loss of a member, there is no ultimate loss for the kingdom.

Finally, all of this must be brought before God in prayer. We ask Him for wisdom, clarity, and humility. Jesus is the Shepherd of the church, and He is the one who orders His people and places them where they can best serve. By this, I do not mean that we should expect mystical signs or extraordinary experiences. Rather, God, in His providence, makes the path clear through His Word, wise counsel, and circumstances shaped by His hand. With minds renewed by Scripture, we learn to discern His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

I also want to be very clear about my intention in writing this. This is not an attempt to draw people to our church or to keep people from leaving it. My desire is to give our church members a biblical and theological framework for thinking well about church membership, commitment, and departure. And if the day comes when someone must leave our church, my prayer is that they would leave well—with clarity of conscience, pastoral counsel, love for the saints, and a deep commitment to Christ’s church wherever He places them next.

May God grant us wisdom, and may His name be glorified in His church—in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and throughout the world.

Nino Marques