God’s Design for Church Leadership #6 - The Wives of Elders and Deacons: Partners in Ministry

One of the often-overlooked aspects of church leadership is the role of the wives of pastors (elders) and deacons. Although they do not hold an official office in the church, they are a crucial part of their husbands’ ministry. Scripture gives specific attention to their character, showing that their lives have a direct impact on the health of their husbands’ ministry and, by extension, on the church.

In 1 Timothy 3:11, Paul writes: “Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things.”

While there is some debate about the scope of this verse, I hold the view that Paul’s instructions apply to the wives of both elders and deacons. The New Testament consistently shows that a leader’s home life and relationships are inseparably connected to his fitness for ministry (1 Tim. 3:4–5; Titus 1:6). If his home is not in order, he is not qualified to lead the household of God. If he is not able to disciple his wife and children well, he is not yet fit to disciple the church.

Pastors and deacons are not called to ministry in isolation. Though their wives are not pastors, they share in many of the burdens, pressures, and joys of leadership. While they are not responsible for carrying out the official duties of their husbands’ offices, their support, counsel, and spiritual maturity play a vital role in enabling their husbands to serve faithfully.

A godly wife will:

• Model Christlike character in the congregation (Titus 2:3–5).

• Support her husband’s calling without resentment or bitterness.

• Exercise hospitality and genuine care for others.

• Guard her speech from gossip or slander, especially regarding sensitive matters shared in confidence.

• Live faithfully in every sphere of life—family, church, and community.

  
  

When a wife exhibits these qualities, she strengthens her husband’s credibility and witness. Her life becomes a living testimony to the transforming power of the gospel, and her husband’s ability to shepherd his family well is clearly displayed.

Still, the wife of a pastor or deacon is not automatically in leadership simply because of her husband’s role. She is not an unpaid co-pastor or expected to lead every ministry. Her primary calling remains her walk with Christ, her marriage, and her family. But because her walk deeply impacts her husband’s ability to lead, churches must wisely assess not only the man aspiring to ministry but also the health of his home.

This is not meant to place an undue burden on women, as if they must “perform” for their husbands to qualify for ministry. Rather, it is to protect families from unnecessary strain and to ensure that those who serve in these roles do so from a place of spiritual health and stability.

If you are the wife of a pastor or deacon, your ministry—though often unseen—is precious in God’s sight. Your faithfulness in prayer, encouragement, and godly example strengthens your husband, blesses your church, and glorifies Christ. You may not stand behind the pulpit or lead from the front, but your quiet obedience and steadfast love are part of how Christ builds His church.

As Proverbs 31:10–12 reminds us: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her… She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”

May God grant our churches not only qualified elders and deacons, but also godly wives who, through their faith and character, make the gospel beautiful.

Nino Marques